Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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