if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
