He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
