well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
