i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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