Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
