her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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