Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize