she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
