Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
