win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
