lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
