Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Randomize
