so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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