I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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