So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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