She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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