I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Randomize
