just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
