i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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