She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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