I can feel you judging me through the phone.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize