Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
