I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
