Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
