I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
"it" just moved
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
