I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
