Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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