I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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