i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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