i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
