Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
