It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
