I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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