guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
This girl is more easily done than said...
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
