If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
