i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
