Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize