I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
