how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
