Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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