Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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