why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
