I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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