he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize