my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize