i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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