I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
