This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
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