toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I've blown a few things in my day
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Vodka?
Forever.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
