white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
