You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
