i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Someone came in the potted fern
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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