we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
