Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize