this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
