we made out on top of his cat.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
