We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
