Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize