you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
