and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
