and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I love how my cats smell like pot.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
