Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
