i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Sorry my hands just texted you
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
