just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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