I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
