I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
