So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
