i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
