i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
All the doctor said was why
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
