I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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