someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
