GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
