Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
