I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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