why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
