what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Randomize
