Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
