you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
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