Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
