Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
