It was confusing and full of hummus
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
