yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize