He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
