I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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