And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
