so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
