I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
