the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
