here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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