If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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