drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
