Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
