i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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