TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
It's rum buckets o'clock
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
