Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
