i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
