I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Boobs speak an international language.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
