Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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