I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
