I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
