anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I just found puke in my bra..
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Randomize
