Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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