Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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