you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
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