Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
