forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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