Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
