you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
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