all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
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