I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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