dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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