We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
