who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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