Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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